The person who didn't take the shit I took
The person who didn't allow the shit I allowed
The person who was always loved and not looking for the next time i'd be hurt in order to make up to feel that love again
The person who was constantly happy, not snappy, not ashamed, not sloppy and not myself
There was a void that was filled and a void that needed to be filled. Now I am not longing to be filled, and the void that was filled... I forked out that playdo, and put it in the box of OLD 80s paraphernalia.
Look at it like this.... You have a wall, someone comes and touches your wall, hang pictures, fixtures, lights and different ornaments to make your wall look pretty... Through time they are punching holes in your wall and then covering them with more fixtures... Soon you will have a foundation just waiting to crumble.....
Crumble from lack of support, constant abuse, never fixing the hole, just covering it with a pretty picture(or least one that is pretty to you). On the outside you are beautiful, appearing whole, un-punctured, stable, and at your best. But when you have friends who are trained and skilled architects, with the ability to see right through your structure, tell you that your hangings are hanging by a thread and not to allow anymore hangings, wall fixtures and more... You become NUMB, because your concern is your Artist, who has done nothing but compromise your structure... Due to overspending, lying to cover up his habit of bad choices in color patterns, excessive draping, over hanging, and never once fixing or adjusting those things that are already in place that are hanging by a thread or nearly falling due to the nail is coming out before your eyes.
My wall, I had to take back before it was nothing more than a wall of holes; broken fixtures; lopsided paintings; uneven drapes and last but not least A SPACE, EMPTY AND UNWANTED.
I've been on this journey of REVENGE... Self Inflicted. I hated myself for allowing it all, blinding myself to what was really happening, not heeding the advances of others who could see my wall with eyes that weren't mine. Three years with the same stylist, in love with his style for the first year and a half, falling out of Love shortly their after, but continuously paying him for his services due to the constant SUAVENESS he won me over with, the same suaveness that I heard when he wanted to add a new fixture to make it more beautiful, instead of repairing the damage done previously.... And adding my own wall fixtures and not repairing, and making my wall worst. Suddenly, some where, some how, some day I had a knock on the wall, and to my surprise it was a man who hid his degrees, his accent, his style, and his knowledge of my wall... Yet he came in, constantly visited and never once put anything on my wall, but every time he departed I'd notice something was missing. It wasn't until one day in September of 2008, I noticed that my wall was completely white, and someone mysteriously plugged all holes, fixtures and took down those UGLY Drapes. I was once again a blank canvas for sale and knew exactly who I wanted to style me complete!!
October 29th, 2008 marked the first day he hung a painting correct. He checked the wall to make sure he could proceed without anything behind the canvas that would prevent him from beautifying his canvas. He drilled a little hole, inserted the stud, and then the nail. Hung his picture to make sure I, he and whomever glanced at this wall would know who the ARTIST was.
I'm glad I inflicted REVENGE.......Because It Was EVER SO SWEET!!!!
